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Good English Just Don’t Got no Place in Music

Everyone loves music, no matter what the genre, I don’t care:  Country, Rock, Metal, Hip hop, R and B and whatever else comes up.  Some people listen to the lyrics, some just listen to the rhythm and the beat and allow the undulating notes to penetrate the ears, then take a ride through the soggy neurons, and then, if its pleasing to them there neurons, the neurons activate all kinds of chemicals and pathways to make the heart rate beat faster and the heart to pump harder when dancing or just sitting there red faced, as you remember the song that played on your first date with pretty Mary Lou.

But, English teachers or English grammar professors are the ones who must tune out the lyrics, and just listen to the actual notes themselves.  Otherwise, these English teachers have been known to pull their hair out or assume a desolate stare out into the hopeless muck of butchered language. You are probably wondering — how could this be.  The answer is easy and it is uttered about 100 million times per day on whatever music thing you use.  And what is this ear-ringing utterance that makes English teachers wish they were mathematicians?

Ain’t.  That’s right.   The word ain’t

I ain’t lying.  To the English teacher, the translation is:  He is not a mendacious man.

Here are some famous examples in the field of music:

You ain’t nothin but a hound dog!   How does that song sound with the proper English translation: You are not anything but a hound dog!  I don’t think Elvis would’ve sold many copies of that one.

Or how about:  Desperado.  You ain’t getting no younger. Translation:  Desperado, you are not becoming any younger.   Don Henley would not have made it with that lyric.

Bill Withers sang:  Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.  Translation:  There isn’t any sunshine when she is gone.   Doesn’t sound the same, I think.

The Four Tops made this one famous:  Ain’t no woman like the one I got.  Proper English translation:  There isn’t a woman that is like the one I have.   That’s a lot of nice words but has no effect on me.  Doesn’t make me move an inch.

It Ain’t me babe.  Besides the fact that the Woke stupid crowd says you can’t say babe anymore, this translates into: It is not me babe.

If I ain’t got you:  Translation:  If I don’t have you     Boring.

Dean Martin, this is an old one, but I like it: Ain’t that a kick in the head.  This according to our English teachers should be:  Isn’t that a kick in the head?

So, what I have learned from this in-depth, epic, non- scientific, trigonometric word analysis of song lyrics has proven two things:

1. Ain’t is the most important and popular word in music lyrics. Without this word, there will be no beautiful and lyrical melodies for us to sing.
2. English professors and grammar teachers have suffered too long from listening to Ain’t. 

My best advice to English teachers is to let it loose, take those Ain’ts  and chew on’em as you dance to the music, suck on the sweet/sour taste, and smile a big smile until the song is over.  You’ll feel like you’ve just skied down a black diamond with the exhilarations and rapid heart pounding of your first kiss.

Ain’t no one gonna prove me wrong.

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