Ollie Visits the Hotel California:  Chicago

“Sorry to bother you in Beijing sir, but just had to ask a little favor.”

“Oh, hey there Ollie, been a while. Where are you now?”

“Chicago”

“Really, well, I tried to clean up Chicago and reduce the horrible crime, but that mayor has the brains of a slithering night-crawler.  What can I do for you Ollie?”

“Remember you asked me to Guide our children back to the wonderful light we call the United States?”

“Of course.  I figured at your age you didn’t have the energy or courage to tackle a massive assignment like that, so instead you went to the beach with some cold Guinness and enjoyed directing the dancing bikinis.”

“I can do that whenever I want.  But yes, I’m giving this a shot, and I may be making some progress.  As far as my age, it doesn’t matter because my favorite song is Toby Keith’s Don’t let the old man in.  I’ll never let the old man enter my soul sir, and I will continue to serve as long as the good Lord allows.”

“Listen Ollie, I’ve got to eat some Chinese food with Xi and smile a lot.  So, tell me, what do you need to accomplish this task?”

“You see, I have a little problem at the Cook County Jail here in Chicago that I think is important to resolve when you have a moment…”

“Done”

“Thanks.   But my young president, I’ve been to China years ago, and I over stayed my welcome there, for various reasons, and they will never forget.  Sir, please always remember, The Chinese Communist Party can never be trusted, not matter how much they try to smile.”

The next day…

“Welcome to Cook County lockup, what we affectionately call Hotel California, since we are on California street. May I help you sir?”  Ollie walked up to the security entrance of the Cook County Jail and that’s when he realized that his cane could be a problem and could be considered a lethal weapon.

“I’m here to see an inmate, Jerome Brown, and then I’m going to walk out of here with him.”

“What?  Old man, you are a senile old white-haired fool!  Hell no you ain’t”, said the security guard.

“Just let me in to see him.”

“What is your name?”

“Ollie.”

“I need your full name, 2 pieces of ID including a state issued photo I.D.  But there ain’t no Ollie on the visitors list, so you ain’t going to visit.”

“I don’t have a full name.  Ollie is it.”

The guard then called in three other security guards to help with the old man visitor.  Listen, we’re going to have to ask you to leave and go back to the nursing home and take your meds.”

“Nope.”  Not going to happen.  Ollie pulled out the only two pieces of identification he owned:  One was his FAA pilot’s license, his only real ID., renewed last year by an instructor pilot in Wichita, originally issued in 1939, and the second was a shiny black credit card, it seemed, with gold edges and a security chip. They told him it was a magic card.   It had only one sentence at the top and a phone number to Washington D.C. at the bottom:  Office of the Chief of Staff, President of the United States

“This is worthless I.D. sir, as he looked at the FAA license.  There is no photo and then he looked at the black-gold plated card, puzzled, scratching his chin.  What the hell do I do with this?”

“Call the number”

“Go home”

“May I use your phone please?”  The guard gave him a phone, and Ollie called the number on the Presidential card. 

Answered immediately: “Hello Ollie.  This is 368.  Do you need some assistance?

Ollie said, “Some gentlemen want to talk to you. Here’s the phone.”

Ollie looked around for a few minutes, twirling his cane and stretching, humming the tune, don’t let the old man in, I wanna leave this alone, can’t leave it up to him, he’s knocking at my door.”

The guard stood wide-eyed, and his right hand trembled a bit and said, “yes sir, we’ll take care of it as fast as we can.”

They escorted Ollie to Jerome’s cell, and Ollie said Thank you

When Jerome saw the old man at his cell, he said, “Hey old man, what the hell you doing here?  Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“Jerome.  What did you do?”

“After you kicked me out of class, I stole some shit and did some shit, and they got me.”

“I know.  I’m going to make you a deal.  You are coming with me, and you are going to work with me now and do as I say, and we’re going back to school. Oh yeah, and I’ve got you a job.”

“I don’t work for nobody.  I’m my own man.  Leave me alone old man.”

Ollie turned around and walked away with a little more limp than usual, supported by his cane.  When he reached the guarded exit, her heard Jerome yell, “Come back!”

Ollie walked back and stared coldly at Jerome.  “Name’s Mr. Ollie”

“I’ll work with you Ollie,” said Jerome.  “Just tell me what you want me to do.”

“Follow me, listen to me, learn from me, respect yourself, respect others and above all, Love the Lord God with all your heart and all your soul.”

They walked out of the Jail, the guards gave him the papers and said, “you are released to Mr. Ollie and you are pardoned of your crimes.  This was your lucky day.  Don’t screw it up.”

Jerome turned red with shock and said, “Mr. Ollie, how did you —”

“Remember what I told you.  If you fail, I will bring you back to jail and never see you again.”

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