I spent most of the night stamping out disease and pestilence, as well as saving people from their own destructive abuse, but I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have said anything at all as I walked behind her, but the young nurse with the peppy step infused with energy forced my remaining active brain cells to dance a dizzying dance.

“Sure wish I could walk that fast,” I said.

She turned around and smiled. “You off this weekend Carson?”

“Yep.”

“You going skiing or doin’ anything fun.”

“No skiing, no real plans I guess.”

“Really? You’re not dead yet are you?”

I hesitated as her words sunk in like a sharp spear. “No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”

She walked away without a comment and I went about my work, realizing that maybe she was right. Maybe if I’m not skiing all weekend with a wild hat on full speed ahead, then I must be dead.  You know, the walking dead I guess.  But then I thought about it a little more later that night and realized that this nurse must’ve just watched Monty Python’s The Holy Grail for the first time, and was thinking about the famous line – “Bring out your dead,” and I was thinking – “I’m not dead yet!”  However, everyone knows you haven’t lived at all unless you have watched The Holy Grail at least 4 times while drinking at least four beers per showing.

She’s a good nurse who I respect, but in her book, without skiing, there apparently is no life. I must say that I admire her zeal for skiing.

Certainly the years of competitive long distance running and racing up skyscrapers have taken their toll on my knees, and I can’t do much running anymore, but I believe there may be a few signs that I am still alive without skiing. I wonder if she has considered the following:

1. How many lives has she saved, and how recently has she heard words like these, directed to herself: “Dr. Carson, thanks for saving my wife’s life.”
2. Or, “Dr. Carson, when we have another baby, whether boy or girl, we will name him or her after you.”
3. I can write in ways that can trigger people to laugh, cry, or soar with bounding inspiration.
4. Even after a near Fatal MI with a Near Death Experience, having experienced no risk factors before, I can swim nonstop in the deep Lake Michigan waters as long as I dare parallel to the shoreline, do hard cross – training exercise as well or better than men significantly younger than I am, and accomplish the best treadmill exercise test to maximum ever recorded post MI in the Cardiology department.
5.  I can make love. Like a fine wine, I’m happy to say that it gets much better with time.  No details of course. (Save that for my novels).  With good health, it all boils down to being unselfish with concentration on your lover. I am lucky to be given the opportunity to be the conductor of this divine symphony of feminine perfection – a woman is a gift from God.  Now that’s living!
6. My knees ache from the years of running, my left ear rings for various reasons, my eyes are not so good, but I can still read and devour the best books written, smell the salty ocean breeze, gaze at the infinite blueness of the heavenly sky, cook delectable salmon on the grill and prepare famous mouth – watering omelets.  Oh yes, I forgot, I love tasting wine from the supple lips of a goddess.
7. I’ve lost more in life than many have either had or experienced. And yet, I’m lucky to remember and with a memory that is intact, the beauty of living is filled with vivid wonder, simply with a signal to your neurons to recall the file in question.
8. I can still pray and God answers my prayers. Too many times, I’ve either had a “near miss” or have been close to death and he brings me back. The next time, I may leave this earth filled with pain for the loving bliss of the afterlife. In the meantime, I know that I must remain here for a while more to complete my work and make a difference somehow.

No, I have chosen not to ski anymore, at least right now. But I’m sure as hell alive and fighting, and more importantly, loving.

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