Woodpeckers Are People Too:  They like Marijuana

I looked it up on the internet and I found his picture and it sure seems it is a match:  He’s a Northern Flicker woodpecker and they are about 15 inches tall as an adult. But since I live out west and he’s a Northern Flicker, then clearly, he is hopelessly lost. Not only that he doesn’t understand the difference between window glass and wood. Unfortunately, my office desk is right next to a large window and this guy comes right up to me and pecks incessantly for hours on end, then falls off the edge, flicks his wings, obviously trying to impress me with his red wings underneath, and he’s back up again pecking. And looking at me, cocking his head, looking at me from a different angle, then pecking again. The glass is only a couple feet away from my desk, and it seems he is watching everything I do, maybe even what keys I am typing and what I am eating or drinking.

Not only is the poor pecker lost, but he is insane. But then, maybe it’s not his fault.  Since my state has legalized marijuana, he has probably been pecking on some juicy marijuana plants and enjoying the taste a little too much, and he’s lost his mind. Problem with that though, is that I thought marijuana made you mellow.  It must’ve had the opposite effect on this avian stoner.

However, there is another possibility to consider, since the marijuana hypothesis will be difficult to prove unless he falls to the ground dead stoned and we take him to the vet to do an autopsy and find Cannabis running round his bird brain. The other possibility is even more concerning. The American military has developed miniature drones, and some can look like birds and even fly. Perhaps this Flicker is a spy drone, sent to spy on me?  It’s possible, since my latest thriller novel does delve into some black ops stuff and things the military establishment may not want published, even though it is pure fiction. Perhaps my manuscript was somehow leaked out pre-publication and the spooks became interested in me and sent their crazy spy woodpecker to watch my every move, thinking I wouldn’t figure out the woodpecker trick? 

Things might get even more interesting.  Whether he is a stoner or a spy, it doesn’t matter because I will not divulge any secrets or let his psychological warfare bother me, because sooner or later, we will find out the truth about this dude, but I must admit, his pecking noises are starting to sound like Morse code signals that few people understand anymore, except boy scouts, and unfortunately,  boy scouts don’t exist anymore.

However, I was an eagle scout, so this Northern Flicker has met his match!

© SRCarson 2020