It has crossed my mind quite a few times, that although there are many difficult languages in the world, English is not without its’ challenges. For example, some words have multiple meanings, but sound the same such as to, two and too.  And the famous lie and lye.  You can think of others. However, these peculiarities are difficult to explain at times, especially to folks trying to learn English.  For example, when do you use this vs those vs these?

Many thousands of my avid blog readers are international and English is their second language, and so for them, as well as for you native English speakers who dare to ponder and jump out of your comfort zone for a few minutes, I am going to attempt to explain one simple word.  This one simple word dominates the English language, and I must ask, how did it deserve to ride atop this lofty mountain of dominance?  It seems illogical to me but it is as common as chronic smoker saying he is “cutting back,’ or perhaps an alcoholic saying I drink socially.  But what I am grappling with is how did this word become so powerful, and yet it is only two letters and has only one true meaning but is used in a billion, unrelated ways that give it no true meaning?

That word is up.    Yes, you read it correctly.  Up.

I researched the definition of up: toward a higher place or position. Or, to attain a higher level of intensity or volume or activity. Ok, that seems simple enough.  Yeah, you know like, he climbed up the hill, or she turned up the volume on her music.

But, sorry, it’s not that simple.  We try to get our mouths and pencils to use the word up, every damn chance we can, whether it has any meaning or not.  We are all guilty of doing it, and the question is, should we continue now that we have been found out?

Here are a few of the hundreds of examples I could find if I really wanted to spend all night doing this:

1. Mess it up: now, using the classic definition of up, that would mean we would take the Mess and throw it up in the air, like throwing a bowl of spaghetti up in the air until it sticks on the ceiling.  So, up makes no sense here unless you are actually throwing it up somewhere. This phrase has been used in our English language about 86 trillion times per day.
2. Mix it up: Well, that means you mix the pasta and sauce in a bowl, twirl it around with a spoon, then, throw it up on the ceiling so it drips down on your silly head.
3. Break up: ok, most commonly this refers to the cessation of a relationship between girlfriend and boyfriend, right?  Or, I guess you could do it to ice, or a piece of candy.  But really folks, if there is a break between girlfriend and boyfriend, wouldn’t it usually be down, like break down?  Or, if you broke ice, does it go up after you break it in pieces?  (of course, there are exceptions to every rule, like the dissolution of a horrible marriage can sometimes put a person in a higher mood.)
4. Throw up: ok everyone knows what this means.  Literally, you know. Vomit.  But when does vomit go up after it spews?  Never, of course, unless you are an astronaut in space then, it gets messy.  Vomit must go down, in the toilet, preferably, for goodness’s sake.  Geez.
5. Up to you: ok   this one just doesn’t make sense.  Of course, it can’t be down to you, but what does up have to do with choice?
6. Tear it up:  this refers to perhaps, ripping a piece of paper to shreds literally, (like Nancy Pelosi and speeches), or in the vernacular, maybe performing excellent in an activity like debating a lying politician so that his/her face becomes red.  But what does it have to do with up?  I thought Newtonian physics, you know, gravity, made it so ripped papers fall down to the floor.
7. Loosen up: it means relax a little, stretch your taught tendons.  Take a breather.  But what does relaxation have to do with up?

Instead of Mess it up we could say, make a mess, but then, it is not as fun, or wild sounding, is it?

Instead of Mix it up, we could just say mix it together.  But that is bland and boring.

Instead of Break up, we could say we had a break down with our girlfriend, I suppose, or we terminated our relationship, but the former is silly and funny, while the latter is icy cold.

Instead of Throw up, we could consider spew.  Or maybe Ralph, or Upchuck.  Yeah, that’s better.  Put it in the can and lock it.

Instead of Loosen up, consider, let it all hang out.  Or, relax baby. But then, not in mixed company, I guess.

Instead of Tear it up, we could say “Pelosi it”

But, in the end, my intense vodka and orange juice fueled analysis has determined that up is a word to stay in our vernacular forever, and it is much more fun and exciting to say than the alternatives that have real, defined meaning.  Except of course my suggestions for throw up should be encouraged.

It’s up to you folks.  Er, I mean, it is your choice.   And I apologize for the confusion that this has brought to my international blog fans who are frustrated with this silly English stuff.

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