Required reading material:  My blog from August 11, 2014 (Sitting at the Bar with Clint Eastwood)

Warning: This is a fictional piece so don’t get your underwear tied up in a wad. This bar meeting never happened.  However, as before, actual published Clint Eastwood quotes will be in italics.  Quotes from my book will be in plain type.  This piece is written out of respect for the talented Mr. Eastwood.

“Dr. Carson there’s a call for you on line one.”

“Take a message.  If they can’t say who they are I don’t need to answer.”

“Um, says he works for the Malpaso Company.”

I immediately excused myself from the patient’s room telling her I had an important call.  Well, it was important, so I didn’t lie.  Clint Eastwood’s movie company doesn’t just call anybody!

“Dr. Carson, we’ve been asked by Mr. Eastwood to setup another bar meeting with you.  He kept your business card from before and asked that we fly you out to Los Angeles to his favorite Honky Tonk Bar.  Is that ok with you sir?”

“Well, um sure. I’ll have to check my calendar first.”  I paused 1 long second then replied, “I’m free.  But I ask, what is the topic of our meeting, besides beer?”

“I’m not at liberty to say.  See you there.”

“Carson. I must emphasize that he will again be disguised for obvious reasons and of course, you will not use his real name in public to avoid the paparazzi.”

“So Carson, let’s cut right to the chase.”  He took a swig of beer.  I tried to then take a larger one myself of course.  “I read your novel, To Love with Hate.  Nice story and plot line with interesting characters.  That Katherine was sure an evil piece of work though.  Anyway, I liked some of your phrases and quotes and I think they might be worthy of further review.  You know, I have made a few good quotes myself in movies over the years.

“Thanks Clint, I especially liked your quote in Outlaw Josey Wales when…”

“Carson. We’re going to compare quotes now and see if we match up.”

I took 4 large gulps then prepared myself for the quote comparison with the legend of quotes and larger than life phrases.

“No sexy phrases about women though, ok Carson?  I don’t do that.”

“Go it.”  He started first, thankfully.

“Go ahead, make my day.”

Damn.  He had to start with that one!  Ok, um, “you should be thankful I’m protecting pussies like you.”

He chuckled then squinted and hit me again. “you gotta ask yourself a question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?”

I responded with more confidence this time. “I’ll start his punishment by ripping his lips off, and then the fun will start.”

“Not bad so far Carson, but you better keep going. Then he hit me with another roundhouse. “I tried being reasonable, I didn’t like it.”

“If you so much as think about messing with me again, I won’t be as nice and gentle, and you will be in the Intensive Care Unit recovering from multiple trauma from my hands.”

He took another swig, and I didn’t know where I stood.  But he squinted again and I braced for the next punch. “Ever notice you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have messed with?  That’s me.”

Stay calm Carson.  Nice slow breath in and out. “Unfortunately, this guy’s sizable muscles are controlled with a brain lacking neurons and the few he has don’t connect.”

“I like it Carson.  Now hit me with a couple more quickly to see if you’re a quick thinker when you’re not writing.”

“Her sleek black dress…”

“No Carson, none of that stuff, remember.  Now give me a good manly quote before we call it quits.”

“Um ok.  If I was cursed with Blake’s jumbled brain, I guess I might try to compensate by beating up as many people as I could also.  Problem is, he picked on the wrong man tonight and he needs to be more careful who he decides to pick on.  What a dumbass.”

“Yours are a little wordy Carson, but I like the different style.  Nice to see you again and I’m going to think about your novel and how it might fit on a movie screen.  We’ll let you know.”

He took off and both our glasses were empty.  Stunned, I couldn’t move, so I ordered another.  I respect Mr. Eastwood and his talents.

SRC