I’m not into bumper stickers, but have you ever noticed that it’s becoming popular now for some people to sport bumper stickers that read:  “I’m a Runner” or “I run” or “I run therefore I am.”

That bothers the hell out of me.

First off, nobody cares if you are a runner or a fat slob so why advertise for no reason?  If you were a real runner, and you know what I mean by that, you wouldn’t be caught dead with a bumper sticker like that, although there may be rare exceptions.

The people who put these bumper stickers are on their cars are actually joggers, by definition, and not hard – core runners.  They are insecure about their new – found past time and need to advertise their insecurity. These are both men and women.  Women put on their make up before they start their jog, wear perfectly clean shorts and put bows in their hair, making sure they look good with long eye lashes.  After their jog with friends, they meet in Starbucks, hoping people will see them and how athletic they appear to be, but still look good after their jog with nice tanned legs.  It is there that they sip their lattes and talk about their jog and how they think their kid’s soccer coach is hot.  And the men do the same thing.

A real runner won’t advertise what he or she does. A real runner gets up at 5 am and runs in the dark, or after work, or any time he or she can, and doesn’t give a care whether it’s raining, freezing, in a blizzard or flood.  Hell, they won’t tell anyone where they are going, and could care less how they look or whether their shorts or pressed or shoes are clean.  All they care about is getting the workout done, and done well, accomplishing their goals quietly.  They don’t care who is watching them, and if they are running in town, they never stop at traffic lights and will often weave in and traffic.  Often they run so long they’re out in the country or out in the hills or mountains where they run in solitude.  If you ever meet one these runners and they’ve stopped for some reason, finished with their work out, you’ll find they smell bad, they’re sweaty and their shorts are dirty and spotted with mud and sometimes blood. Women who are real runners never wear makeup.  It’s unlikely they’ll go to Starbucks after a workout, but if they do, it’s to grab something cold to drink and of course, all patrons scatter because they look like orphaned vagabonds.  Usually though, they complete their run and go home.  Beer is often a staple of the training regimen, especially of marathoners.

Now I want to make this clear:  I respect joggers and all people who try to maintain their fitness.  That’s perfect.  But all I ask of you is don’t put it in my face by using bumper stickers to advertise.  Just go out and do it, and be happy with yourself inside.  But, if you must spend the money and take the time to put a bumper sticker on your car, then put one on that says, “I’m a Jogger and will Never be a Runner.”  Or, “I’m a Jogger and Hope to be a Runner Someday.”  At least that’s truthful.

Now, before I get hate mail and threats from the blog readers who sport “I’m a runner” bumper stickers, please keep these four points in mind.

1)       I respect your jogging, believe me, but if you continue with your bumper stickers, I will sport a bumper sticker saying, “I run over people who have “I’m a runner” bumper stickers.

2)      Just go out and do your jog, and be happy with yourself. Being fit and athletic is a great feeling, isn’t it?

3)      If you feel you must threaten me, remember my background information on the blog.  I do have “people”.

4)      Instead of going to Starbucks after a run, drink more beer.  That’s especially good fuel the night before a marathon with tons of spaghetti.

Have fun and be safe.  Remember, my posts are just meant to be good clean fun and it’s good to laugh a little about life, isn’t it?

SRC