I really didn’t want her at all, but she seems to want me badly.  But then, of course, who would blame her, right? The problem is that I can’t get rid of her now, unfortunately.  She’s attached to me and always with me, wherever I go, or whatever I do.  She’s there with me at work, when driving, eating, social events, bathroom breaks, showers and well, I think you get it without further details.  Yes, I know what you are thinking, she does sleep with me. Trust me, I have tried to discover ways to send her away, but nothing has worked.

The best I can remember, it seems she latched on to me sometime in May of 2013, about a month after my Near Death Experience that I wrote about and is published on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FGE0942  Since then, I have learned that it I must learn to ignore her and pretend that she’s not there, and although sometimes I’m successful in this important quest, it comes at a dear price to me.  You see if she doesn’t believe she is getting enough attention, she will become quite loud and shrill —sometimes shrieking at a high pitch, and you can bet that gets my attention quickly.  When she does this, I tend to look around to see if anyone sees or hears this cacophony and thankfully, people are nice to us and say nothing.

  Her favorite time to grab attention from me is in a crowded restaurant, or a raucous bar or maybe even a music concert.  Sometimes I am just sitting quietly reading.  But most predictably, she does her thing when we are flying somewhere or I am drinking more than a glass of wine, then yeah, you bet she will do her thing on me.  She has made it clear to me that she does not like my drinking wherever we are. But I often ask myself, what should I do when she yells at me for attention? Do I satisfy her needs by singing her favorite song or jump up and dance for her?  Nothing works and I realize she will never let me throw her away.

So, I tried to get rid of her forever and went to a trained professional for help. He told me she calls herself Miss T, and this is short for TINNITUS.  He said she became permanently attached to my left inner ear about a month after my near death in 2013, when I was in cardiogenic shock, and the decreased blood flow during that event probably caused the damage to my left ear.  Why she chose my left ear and not both is not clear, but I am grateful for that.

He told me there was nothing more he could do for me, and I need to accept her now, forever. Till death do us part.

That’s when I realized she was with me forever, and I could not even hope to kick Miss T to the streets because she sure will not allow it.  As time goes on though, I have realized I am blessed to be alive in this world after 2013, still contributing the best I can to the health of sick people, and hopefully also entertaining others with my writing. I accept her now in my life, forever, and I look at Miss T now as a persistent reminder of that day where I should have died, but God saved me to live another day, and use my blessings as he directs me.

I pray that I never forget this blessing, and Miss T makes sure I do not.

© SRCarson Publications, 2022