A Short but Whimsical Tale

A while back I went to a medical conference to soak in some of the most recent research in my field (s), accumulate CME credit for regulatory agencies and of course, to listen intensely to the well  rehearsed pitches of supermodel mannequin pharmaceutical reps in the display halls. (Yes, ladies, there were supermodel male reps there too I am told, but I didn’t notice.) I preferred listening to the supermodel lady pharmaceutical reps of course, simply because they seemed more prepared and superbly educated in their subject matter.

After a long day of learning, listening to lectures and playing with fun technology and toys that won’t add a grain of sand to the beach of my practice but will cost ridiculous amounts of unreimbursed cash, I made it back to the main conference hotel to relax and unwind a little. Of course that started with a trip to the bar, which I must admit was relatively empty, but I noticed huge crowds in the lobby, laughing, loud people and I must add, well dressed and well –  heeled ladies, er I mean people.

I decided to eat in the hotel restaurant after a glass of wine, and it was so quiet, I thought I was sitting on a deck with a bunch of serious fly fisherman, afraid of scaring those wily trout.  Turns out they were doctors of course, reading the conference schedules and course materials, cramming and preparing for the next day’s conferences on a Friday night.  There were a few docs who spoke English as a primary language, and nearly all spoke my mother language as well or better than I did.  Many were Asian, Indian and European superstar doctors. Before I fell asleep in my soup, curiosity sparked one final rescue from boredom.

So, I asked the waiter, “Is there another conference going on here in the hotel, or did I miss the party? “Sir, that is the national conference for lawyers.”   Their conference is here at the hotel, rather than the conference center across the street which is a medical conference.”

“Uh huh.  Thanks.”

You see, the doctors don’t have parties, for many reasons, but primarily because it is illegal for pharmaceutical firms to throw us docs parties just for fun and enjoyment because we are so highly regulated by the government and well, let’s face it, we of course don’t use our heads and review the literature in science, we are easily bought, so they say. We are like juvenile delinquent children, guilty until proven innocent.  Instead, we are invited to dinners that last 3 hours where we listen to lectures at the dinners, then take a test to make sure we prove we attended.   No dancing allowed.  No smiling. Be professional and erudite.

Now I understood. These lawyers and their entourage sure seemed like they were having fun, so I paid my tab, and told the waiter au revoir and then meandered through the legal crowd.  The men all wore suits or casual jackets and shirts and pressed slacks with black shiny shoes. The ladies, well, I have trouble describing them without my fingers trembling on the keyboard.  Short skirts and heels and long elegant dresses with even higher heels, lots of shiny rocks on their ears and arms that bounced and jiggled as they practiced their rhythmic runway walks for all to see.  Seems they all were tending to take the escalator upstairs, so of course, I had to follow and explore, trying to blend in, hiding my medical I.D. badge in my pocket.

So on the upper floor, I spied the mulling crowd filing in to a huge assembly room where there was a live band, dancing and certainly excess frolicking and women laughing. I looked in, decided that was definitely better than studying what I already absorbed earlier, but realized I didn’t have an I.D. badge for this soiree..  I waited until the door man stepped away to talk, then slipped in and started immediately thinking of some legal terms to use in an emergency, then realized I could only think of a few, but heck, a doctor is needed in the party, right?  We are always prepared to do Heimlichs on people choking on meat or other such emergencies that hopefully don’t occur. I figured I should get an automatic entry as the volunteer conference doctor!

I realized that these lawyers were lucky to not be regulated like we were.  Must be because lawyers are much more trustworthy professionals than doctors and certainly could never be bought by a free ink pen or something like us.   But that buffet dinner sure looked tempting. Ah heck, don’t push it Carson.  Just enjoy the scene.  Maybe a glass of wine, or two or who knows, maybe even listen to the band.

Then, she came up to me.  “Excuse me, aren’t you from the Johnson firm in LA?”

I remembered the first rule, and that is always look into her eyes only.  So I did. I tried to ignore all the other feminine courses that she prepared.  Clearly, I had no tag, so I had to think on my wobbly feet.  “Yes,  my name is Carson.   Sorry my tag fell into the punch bowl and was much too nasty to wear.”

“I understand Carson. You must be more careful.  I’m  Tiffany, family law judge.” She held out her dainty hand.

“Enchante. My pleasure to meet you Tiffany.  I hope I don’t have to file an Affidavit or Writ of Habeas Corpus with you, but I would like to invite you to dance.  Hopefully, you won’t dismiss my motion with prejudice.”  I prayed that these legal words would make her laugh and at the same time show that I was a lawyer.

Her hearty laugh and welcoming smile told me the answer and I had an enjoyable evening with a bunch of legal types.  But, although lawyers seem to know how to party, I am lucky to have a career in medicine. I love my profession, not the regulations and rules, but the challenge of saving lives and doing the best I can for my patients.

Nothing compares.  It is my calling.

© SRCarson