She gave it to me for Christmas. That was a very nice thought, for sure, but then, it’s one of those gifts that although superb for some, left me wondering how I would handle it, respectfully of course, because after all, it was a gift that was very thoughtful. It was covered in a see – through plastic container, but the container, unfortunately, was not odor – proof.  And that odor permeated throughout the house, even though it was perched smack dab in the middle of the island in my kitchen, surrounded by a weak and feckless fruit bowl, I could feel the presence of this gift everywhere I went in the house. Downstairs, in the garage, in the bathroom, my bedroom, you know, everywhere. This gift thought it was unobtrusive in that location covered in a plastic cage I suppose, but I think secretly inside it was laughing at me, knowing it had complete control of me and that no human on earth had ever resisted its powers.  Ever.

It was a huge, luscious, decadent Bundt cake.  Yeah, a Bundt cake, you know, that has the doughnut hole in the middle where only the strong can survive. And oh, that smell, wafting around, lifting up my flaring nostrils so they could take in as much volume of air filled with this sweetness as possible, with a direct high speed cable line to my innocent little stomach.

I am a strong man.  I can resist.

So, I try to eat healthy if I can, when not too busy, and I try to stay in good physical shape if I can, but this thing had become my enemy, against my conscience, although it was unusual for an enemy to look so innocent and smell so sweet.

I must admit, I had a small piece with her before she left that night, and it completely overwhelmed me with sweet sensations that I hadn’t felt in a long time, especially since I hadn’t eaten a cake or doughnut in quite a few moons.  I begged her to take the damn Bundt with her so she could enjoy it at home, but she refused, as she should have.  So, it stayed on my kitchen island, intimidating me and dominating with those sweet and fattening dares.  Go ahead, eat me if you dare, you weak human!  I’m only 1 million calories per piece but that is nothing, if you work out twice as hard tomorrow. You know you want me Carson, so don’t fight it! 

Don’t believe her, Carson, it’s a trick!

So, I had a piece the other day and man, oh man, it was sending me into the clouds of confectionery heaven!  I survived!  Even though I am weak, I survived the Bundt.  But there were about I guess, 10 pieces left of this huge, lovely monstrosity.

So, New Years Eve, I had some wine, and the damn Bundt beckoned me so strongly (after my second glass), that I ate a huge piece, because I felt I deserved it, then, overwhelmed with desire I actually ran back to the kitchen, left my wine on the living room table, hard to believe, I know, but I did run and cut myself another huge piece!

I survived again and now, as I write this piece, I am thinking of running back to the kitchen and attacking that sweet enemy so viciously that she won’t know what hit her!

Yes, that damn Bundt won.  It knew no human could resist.  But you know, I don’t care anymore.  I am going to eat the hell out of that thing right now!

© SRCarson 2021