It was April 10, 2013, and I suddenly found myself close to the grave. They said I had more than an 85% chance of death at that intense, chaotic moment. But my earth angels quickly surrounded me with their glistening wings, swooped me up, and struggled desperately not to let me die.  While this traumatic event happened in the ICU, the cardiac ICU, no less, all things were accomplished by the hospital staff with such skill and speed, that I am not sure this was actually humanly possible, under the circumstances, now that I look back.

But, you see, although I heard my own “Code Blue” and the room number on the public address system, I saw and felt everything that was happening, and since I am a critical care physician working with patients only moments before, I knew I was dying.  I saw the grave looks on the nurses, doctors, and respiratory therapists’ faces, heard all their words, like “start him on dopamine”, or “give him atropine”, or, “prepare for intubation and hand me some succinylcholine stat!”  I even felt that I was participating in the decision making and I was talking to the staff and my colleagues, telling them orders on what do for me.

It turns out however, that although I was awake during some of it, I was no longer conscious when I felt I was communicating.  I looked at the faces of the respiratory therapists that I new so well, and loved as colleagues, and I saw the strain on their faces while they prepared their clasped hands on my sternum to start CPR any moment.  I remember saying to them: “Don’t worry, all is going to be ok.”   I thought I said this to them, but perhaps I was communicating with telepathy, and I had already left my physical body.  I felt overwhelming peace and warmth, and felt completely calm, even though I perfectly well knew I was dying, about to be intubated and placed on life support, exactly as I had done thousands of times before to dying patients who had cardiac arrest.

I felt complete peace and calm.  My only concern at that time, was that those trying to resuscitate me felt this too, somehow.  I did not have any feelings of fear of death, as one usually would expect at this moment.  But I survived, and did very well, and while some say I was lucky, and that is true on the face of it, I believe it was more than luck.  I believe it was a perfect scenario, and a perfect convergence of talent, all in one place, brought together by the power of the almighty God.

As for the details on this life-changing event, I will stop now, although I said and felt some things when I woke up, that I believe, as do others, could only be placed in my brain by God himself.  I have written about it before and it is published on Amazon, and the link is on the home page of my blog you are reading.  However, what I wanted to say, on this Easter Sunday, is that three days later, when they brought me home, I went to church, fresh from my coming back from life.  And I still remember, at church three days later, as I walked slowly into the sanctuary with my father and lady friend on each side of me, I felt overwhelming joy and wonder at the power of the Lord.  I sang with a gusto and timber that I never knew that I could produce from my normally quite average vocal cords.  I felt his presence and love for me, and that he brought me back to life, despite my failings and sin, to continue to serve with the blessings I have, by giving to those who need me, somehow.

And so now, nine years later, I am here in church on Easter, and I realize that nine years ago, after my near death, and then, rising back to life—it was also very near the sacred Easter holiday back then.  Today, again, I felt bounding joy surge through my heart that I felt then, when I realized God gave me a second chance.  Although it is old news now that I was given this second chance in a near impossible situation, this Easter service again, brought back those memories and the grace of God and his power.  You see, we are asked to follow Jesus to the grave, our personal grave, that we can have life thereafter, but I was given the gift of life again by the Almighty, and I never want to lose that wondrous feeling that has changed me forever, with God’s blessings.

© SRCarson publications.  2022