I was driving for hours and my ass hurt from sitting, my eyes were watering from staring down the lonely highway, and my shoulders were stiff from holding the wheel during dense traffic when hitting the cities, trying to avoid careless drivers, construction workers and various other obstructions. But then the adrenaline rush of city driving plummeted back to basal rates, once I got back on the freeway and let her rip.

Despite my fatigue and boredom, what made the trip seem less boring was my playlist of driving songs. I had a whole collection of driving songs that made the drive fun, and of course, I sang along, always loud, and my hands would beat to the rhythm of the tune on the steering wheel, and sometimes the middle console. My favorites included Golden Earring’s Radar love (I’ve been driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel), Take it Easy by the Eagles (There’s a girl my lord in a flat bed Ford slowing down to take a look at me), Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf, Running on Empty by Jackson Browne, Born to Run by Springsteen, Here I go Again by Whitesnake and of course, Truckin by the Grateful Dead (What in the world became of sweet Jane? She lost her sparkle; you know she isn’t the same.  Living on reds, vitamin C and cocaine, Ain’t it a shame). Oh hell’s bells, the list is too long.

I needed to stop for some gas and take a short break so my last few hours would be easier.  Maybe get a few snacks.  But I passed by several gas stations to find the one that displayed a road billboard that attracted me like no other: Carson’s Special Gas Station.  Now what could be special about a gas station?  The best fuel prices?  The best snack food? Cleanest restrooms?  Either way, I had to stop and see what the sign was really advertising.  They actually had full serve, just like years ago, complete with window washing and check the oil, for a dollar more.  Didn’t even need to get out of your car!  Their refueling stations included Full Serve for men, Full Serve for Women, (you actually had to know your real sex), and of Course, Self – Serve, the old stand – by. The placed was jammed and it was difficult to find an open pump and I just didn’t have the time to be in full serve, although it was tempting.  I drove by the full serve positions, watched pretty ladies and handsome men smiling while washing windows, checking oil and at the same time tending to the gas fueling, later, taking the credit cards from the customers and taking care of the payments without the occupants getting out of the car, or some did of course, to use the facilities.  But when they came back, some of them received back massages and neck massages while they sat in their seats!

I found a quick self – serve pump, then went to the rest room, got some snacks and looked at the selection on the pump: It read:  regular, with ethanol, mid – grade, premium, back and neck massage, five-minute manicure and instant nail painting for the ladies, car wash, receipt, yes or no. My curiosity got the best of me, and I looked over, and I saw ladies putting their fingers into ten -hole outlets for their quick manicures while the gas pumped, and then I decided my nails were perfect, so I would try a massage.  I carefully pressed the massager button next to the car wash button and then it gave me more sub -selections: massage by a woman or massage by a man?  I thought that was a very thoughtful question, so I of course chose massage by a woman.

A sultry female voice then said through the speaker in the pump: Hello love, turn around. I’m going to help you relax your tired muscles while your gas pumps. Relax and breath slowly and face your car. So of course, I did what she told me to do, because with a voice like that, I had no choice.  Two robotic, but feminine arms then extruded from the sides of the pump and began gently massaging my neck, up and down, so smoothly, and then, my shoulders, both at the same time, and I felt like I was floating down a gentle mountain stream, not a care in the world. And then, after three minutes, she stopped and said, “I hope you had a pleasant visit to Carson’s Special Gas Station.  Please drive safely and we look forward to serving you soon”  I got in my car, and drove off, smiling and refreshed, like never before, and I started singing Take it easy, take it easy, don’t let the sound of your own wheels, drive you crazy.

You can bet I’ll be back, or at least look for Carson’s Special Stations on my future travels.

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