So Carl, I’m buying tonight. Whattya havin?
Hell, if you’re buyin, I’m going all out. How bout a yard of beer? Anyway, why the generous mood tonight?”
“I’ve retired. I’m done. Don’t need to work anymore.”
“You gotta be kidding. What did you do to strike it rich? Last time we were here you weren’t striking it rich Jerry, you were strikin’ out with the ladies.”
“We’ll talk about that later, but tonight is a time to drink.”
“Got no problem with that. Bring it on man.”
After they both downed a yard of beer apiece, the blonde and her brunette friend at the end of the bar seemed to cast brief glances at Jerry, but he didn’t know it was because he had beer foam on his curly mustache and beer spilled down his shirt, exposing the flabby outline of his Pecs. He smiled back and flexed what was left of his sternocleidomastoids. But the rhythm of the music made both guys in a singing mood. Or was it from the beer?

“You know I miss Annie, but I’ve got to find someone new Carl. You know, I’m running down the road trying to loosen my load, got a world of trouble on my mind. Looking for a lover who won’t blow my cover, she’s so hard to find.”
“Ah, I loved that song. Oldie, but relaxing to listen to on the road.”
“Maybe so, but I used to roll the dice, feel the fear in my enemies eyes, my married friend.”
“I doubt it, but dream on, my married friend.”
“That blonde may be the one for you Jerry, but this time, you need to be smarter. The last one you tried to pick up gave you the number to some pizza parlor. Dropped me to the floor laughing when you called.”
“Yeah, but they delivered some nice pizza, after all.”

“You need to think about some good pick up lines, smooth ones this time. Maybe you should practice them on me before you go over there and mess up, Mr. Retired rich man.”
“Okay, how bout this: “I won’t give up, when I look into your eyes, its like looking into the night sky…I won’t give up.”
“Not bad, like that song, but it lulls me to sleep. I like it for a start, because it shows you’re concentrating on her eyes and not other parts of her body. Drink a little more, then try something else.”
“Ok, “I say to myself, you’re such a lucky guy….to have a girl like you is truly a dream come true. Well, it’s just my imagination…running away from me…but you can make it real…”
“Unlike those original singers, you got no rhythm and a girl needs a lot more than that to take an interest in you. Can’t you try something a little more emotional, to touch her heart?”
“The thrill is gone, baby, the thrill is gone. Do you want to help me bring it back?”
“You got to be kidding me. Now I’m singing the blues.”
“Ok, you’re right, too depressing. How bout’, “Girl I only have eyes for you, ain’t no doubt about it.”
“Now, that’s better, you’re getting warmer. But if that doesn’t work, you need to be ready for a direct hit that she can’t ignore, but you know, it will be sink or swim once you sing it.”
“Oh, I get it, ‘Hello, I love you won’t you tell me your name. Hello, I love you let me jump in your game.”
“That’s a classic, but I think she has to be in the right mood for that one. I think you’re ready, but all I see is you sitting on your lazy butt. ‘Owwwww. Get up offa that thang and dance till you feel better. Get up offa that thang and try to release that pressure! Good god y’all”
“Impressive, but too bad you got no rhythm Carl.”
“Hey, I’m happy. Not the one looking for love. Well, you gonna get up offa that thang?”

Jerry bought the blonde a drink, she smiled and raised her glass to him. He sauntered over, and the right words were chosen during his slow saunter over to her.
“Umm, Hello, I love you won’t you tell me your name. Hello, I love let me you jump in your game.”
She clapped, raised her glass to him and the glasses clashed hard, spilling his beer over his pants. Embarrassed, he waited for her response, hoping this time finally, for a score.
“Very good. My name’s Julie and I appreciate your effort and you’re cute, however, I’m going to have to close the doors on you because my husband is the owner of this bar, and he’s a very jealous professional wrestler named, “Classy Crusher.”

Jerry walked back to sit by Carl, rejected again, although slightly softer than before.
“So what happened, my friend?”
“She’s a black magic woman, got me so blind I can’t see, she’s trying to make a devil out of me.”
“Good one. But you know, bars aren’t the place to find love, my friend. It comes naturally, and you’ve got to be yourself and love will come. But thankfully, you didn’t tell her about your new found richness, cause that’s the kiss of death for you, because without love first, money means nothing my friend.”

SRC