I have to be careful because it’s considered poor taste to repeat oneself, but then, I have written 288 blog posts since 2014, and I have published five books on Amazon. So, I guess it’s inevitable that I may repeat myself on paper, or at least display some recurrent themes, and for that, I have decided not to apologize, because maybe there is emphasis that needs to be made.
Did I tell you that this is my 299th blog post?
I think that when the reader wants to chew on my words, there may be occasions when it will become necessary to peel the brown spots off the apple before devouring it—but the end result is that it will rejuvenate your literary taste buds and put some spark in those lackadaisical neuron dendrites. Or in fact, the reader may be put to sleep. This was the case with my first book written for families of patients in the ICU: The Intensive Care Unit: What Every Family Needs to Know. This is no longer in print (thankfully), but it was a fantastic sleep-inducer, better than Ambien or any other sedative. Thankfully though, my novels and other work after this first foray into publishing, will keep you awake and your eyes glued to the pages, refusing to put the book down, unless you want to throw it at a monstrous mouse scurrying across the frigid floor.
So, here’s the funny thing about physicians: We are well-trained and are professionals, but sometimes we need to be led around like babies. But then, since the nurse practioners and Physician assistants have multiplied like Congo-red ants, we have tried to behave and clean up our acts to impress them, especially when food is involved, but alas, it seems our profession continues to fail in the common sense and etiquette departments at the hospital. What happens at home, I have no idea of course.
Yeah, five books on Amazon. Did I mention this?
So, oh yes, physicians. There is sign that is placed at the security-card reader crossing gate, that is the entrance to the parking garage meant for physicians and the Congo-reds. Each time I see this sign, I laugh to myself. It says, please make sure the crossing gate is up before passing through. I thought, yeah, that must be to teach us physicians who are always in a hurry, how to enter the parking garage without breaking through the bright yellow and red crossing gate that looks like a miniature railroad crossing gate arm. Why do I know this sign is specifically for docs? Well, because I have seen the gate broken in half at least a dozen times over the past decade, so yes, us hurried physicians need a dumb sign like this. Sometimes, when I come to the gate, I roll down my window and yell at the card reader: Open Sesame or Else! We are educated people, you know, about 11 or 12 years of education post high school, on average and yet we need a stupid sign like this? I doubt that they have signs like this for lawyers going in to their parking garages. That’s at least in part because the facility knows it could be sued for defamation by the suits.
And I love the free lunch line too. Yes, I have a scene about this in my book Blue Shadows, and since many thousands of you have read it, you know what I mean. But for the handful of you readers who have not yet had the pleasure of reading it, I will mention something. When I go to the pig feeding trough, I mean lunch area for physicians and the Congo-reds, all etiquette and decorum must be thrown out the window, or you will not eat. The servers are doing their best to put food out, or replace the containers of slop, but the docs just breathe down their necks watching and waiting and sometimes just pushing their way in, then grabbing stuff and throwing it in their mouths while serving and broccoli falls down into their scrubs. The Congo-reds initially demonstrated decorum but now, they have learned from the docs and are doing the same thing! It’s damn embarrassing but hell, it’s every man and beast for himself!
I might add that I love young nurses. They are very inquisitive. The other day I was taking care of a very bad asthmatic, spending a lot of time with her, and I ordered a drug that was used years ago in this case, that worked. They were befuddled. “What is aminophylline? Never heard of it! Are you sure, Doc?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I stayed in a Holiday Inn last night. Read about it in ancient medical history books.” I am sure they walked away and told their colleagues, “Yeah, that doc sure is ancient but seems it works.” Turns out, the patient appreciated it since nothing else was working. I smiled and realized there advantages sometimes to having a few gray hairs. After all, the old man Ollie taught me that in exquisite fashion that only he can.
Oh, and did I mention I wrote a scene in my book Blue Shadows about the doctor’s slop line?
So, now you have the down and dirty about physicians in the wild. I wrote this with respect of course, for my colleagues who have saved me a few times.
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