“Carson, you’re lonely in that house living alone, and you need some company, someone to come home to after working all day and night and to take some of your stress away.”
“Absolutely I agree, and I thought you’d never ask! You don’t mind that I toss my socks and underwear on the floor and sometimes leave dirty dishes in the sink all night do you?”
“Ah, nice try, but I don’t think so. I think living together could ruin a friendship”
“I see, well, I do have plenty of room in the lower level of the house and since I don’t use it very much, I think it would be a great idea to rent it out to some college co-eds who want a place for cheap. They can do their thing downstairs you know and occasionally they can come upstairs to enjoy a good meal and social interaction, if you know what I mean. Happiness all around: I resolve this loneliness problem you’re concerned about and the ladies have a nice place to stay and study, while occasionally enjoying some laughs and a beer with a cool guy.”
“Ha ha. That’s happening only in your wild dreams. They wouldn’t want anything to do with an old fart anyway.”
“Really, so how do you suggest I resolve this horrible loneliness problem?”
“A cat.”
“A what? You mean one of those nasty furry things that don’t give love and scratch all my furniture, and won’t even play fetch the ball with me?”
“Uh, yeah. A cat will be good for you. I’ll get you one for your birthday.”
“No you won’t! No cats in my house. If you come over with a cat, I won’t answer my door.”
So, I was strong, and I didn’t receive a cat on my birthday that year, or for that matter on any holiday. I was proud that I stood my ground. However, I must admit, an animal was a possibility, and certainly a lot cheaper than a woman, although a woman certainly has advantages in many ways. Damn. But animals don’t ask for opinions on whether their dress makes them fat or whether I’m somehow secretly lusting after every sexy woman who walks by my innocent eyes. Well I guess that depends on how you define lust I guess. I am human but I’m not an insensitive jerk. I think the only thing that matters in life is love, and at least at this time, love doesn’t mandate living with a woman in a house. Women are beautiful creatures that must be loved, adored and cherished, no matter what the situation. But what I really wanted was a Labrador retriever, specifically, a yellow lab. A dog that will run to me and jump on me when I come home, licking and slobbering all over me, then begging me to take him outside to run through the woods and fetch balls that I throw out in the meadow as far as I can for him chase after. Yeah, that would be perfect. But, my busy work schedule won’t allow me to really take care of a dog especially a puppy, and dogs need a lot of care, and exercise etc. So, no animal for me.
After two years of proudly standing my ground, I finally gave in. Perhaps it was the beer weakening my cognitive function, but I said yes. Yes, to a cat I named Thor. Hell, give it a try, can’t be that bad, after all, they poop and pee in a litter box and you don’t even have to take them out. Should be easy, so I received a cat on a birthday. Nice little kitty and cute, but I think it was taken from its mother too quickly. He grew to be wild and loved to bite and scratch and no matter how much love I gave him, he continued to bite me when I tried to hold him and love clearly wasn’t in his feline brain. He didn’t even know how to fetch. I tried various techniques to get him to fetch but nothing worked. He was yellow like a Lab but that was the only similarity I found, but we grew to kinda tolerate each other and we both inhabit the same house without killing each other. Somewhat like a bad marriage. So I had the vet cut off his balls. That didn’t slow him down one bit like they said it would, and his destructive behavior continued.
As far as cats go, the only cat I remember when I was a kid was called Ching and we didn’t get along very well either. I have a mountain lion walking around my house here in the mountains and he leaves his scat all around the perimeter of the house and according to the experts, he’s marking his territory. I am ok with him marking his territory but really, if he thinks it’s his house, then he at least needs to pay for half the damn mortgage. But then, I won’t make an issue about it because I don’t want him to piss him off, especially when he’s hungry. Don’t know if it was him or one of his relatives, but when my ex wife lived here while I was paying for it, he would apparently sun himself in the back of the house in full view. You know what I’m thinking don’t you? Yeah he missed his opportunity, but I’m a peaceful man, and don’t condone violence unless I’m being attacked, or my friends or loved ones are being attacked and then I fight like a mad dog.
So just when I had enough cats, a bobcat jogs out in front of my car a few days ago, running into the neighbors yard, but before he left the road, he looked at me and seemed to snear at me. I’m thinking, yeah, he thinks he’s tough but he won’t stand a chance at my “cathouse” from hell. If he survives my nasty house cat, then he’ll have to survive my co-homeowner, the cougar.
Sorry for digressing, but I felt the background in feline ferocity would be important for the next topic. Slightly less than two years after Thor arrived in my house, I went to put him in his little cat house laundry room for the evening, when he just remained on my couch, quiet. That was unusual. Why was he quiet and not destroying the house all night? Maybe he was finally mellowing out and maturing to a point that he was enjoying the “fine wine” aspect of his life. I couldn’t believe I did this, but I went to bed, leaving him alone on the couch and the next morning, after a peaceful sleep, I woke up to find him on the couch, same place. I looked at him and petted him and he seemed to be calm and healthy. Perplexed, I left him there and went to work, thinking maybe this was just a life change for him. When I returned eight hours later, I couldn’t find him. Searched the whole house and eventually found him in my clothes closet whimpering and shivering. I examined him the best I could, didn’t find any abdominal tenderness or anything obvious so I put him in his bed, hoping it would improve over night.
When I woke up the next day, I found him bleeding out of his eyes with matted hair and clearly, he was dying. I though perhaps it was sepsis or septic shock from a bowel obstruction from a fur ball or something, so I thought, should I take him to the vet to treat him, or should I take him instead for a merciful dose of morphine to ease his pain in his last hours? When I took him to the vet, they felt the odds were against him for living. They requested several days of pet hospitalization and several thousand dollars of lab tests and treatments. I admit I thought about the options, considering my relationship with Thor, and realized that they didn’t give me the Morphine euthanasia option. So, I told them to do the basics, reverse what was reversible, but nothing heroic.
Turns out, as many of you have already figured out, he somehow found some rat poison and was therefore bleeding from the Warfarin in the rat poison. I thought about that, and remembered that I had some outside but wasn’t sure how he was able to get to it. The vet thought he might have eaten a poisoned mouse. Either way, I felt somehow responsible and the bleeding eyes and his pitiful appearance broke my heart. So overnight, with lots of vitamin K and IV fluids, he survived and I took him home, although the vet thought he needed more hospitalization. He improved daily and was back to his normal self within about three days.
So for you cat lovers out there who want to skin me, I spent the money to save this cat, this cat who I just tolerate, because I have a good heart and I respect the life of an innocent animal, and remember, nothing matters in life except love.
More on that later…
SRC