I discussed the problem with Frank on my blog in January of 2018, and I think no one read it, or if someone did, it made them frankly disinterested or perhaps frankly nauseated. Either way, I am going to briefly discuss it again because at least in the field of medicine, frank is being abused more than ever as the years go by and the abuse never ends.
The dictionary defines frank as honest and direct. But then if Frank is honest and direct, he must be extremely nasty and dirty too, to deserve all this abuse of his name. I have no idea how all this started.
Since I work in the medical field, I hear this nearly every day, and most of you are probably not aware of this language. For example:
Frank bleeding
Frank hemorrhage
Frank pus
Frank vomiting
Frank Diarrhea
Frank gas
What did Frank do to deserve all this association with bad medical problems and unpleasant stuff? Was he mean and nasty as a child who was maybe the son of a famous physician in the 1800s and the word stuck? Dr. Smith’s son was a dirty little guy named Frank and he liked to play with leaches. Or does it mean somehow, we are being honest and direct about bleeding and vomiting and pus and stuff like that? Yeah, that’s it. When we describe these things, we are trying to show that we are not lying about bleeding and pus and vomiting. Yes, because you know, we can’t just say, the patient was vomiting. We must make it clear that we are not lying about the vomiting or bleeding! If we put the word frank in front of it, then, we are being honest and therefore, not lying physicians or nurses!
I think it is time we stop abusing Frank. It’s mostly abuse of frank, but you know, sometimes Ralph is abused too but much less. Like, why do non-medical people say someone is Ralphing when they are vomiting? Johnny was ralphing on the bus. Well, in medicine we are more sophisticated. We don’t call it Ralphing. We call it frank emesis. Much more sophisticated. It is honest emesis! But please never call it Frank ralphing.
Instead, I propose we start a new medical adjective watchdog nomenclature group to change this abuse of Frank. I will make a proposal here and I will ask my readers to contribute as well if they have better ideas:
- Harry hemorrhage
- Boris bleeding
- Vernon vomiting
- Damion diarrhea
- Peter pus
That way, if we implement this new nomenclature, one name, Frank will no longer be offended and we can spread the dirtiness to others rather than to one.
I can think of no better think tank than my loyal readers, who will be able to resolve this issue and come up with some solutions to save frank from the medical profession.
And no, I have not been drinking any alcohol during the rumination and intense production of this word emesis. But maybe now, It seems I should have.
© S.R. Carson Publications
Thank you Dr. Carson for bringing this great injustice against Frank to our attention. And yes I agree, Frank has definitely earned a very well deserved luxurious retirement in the most expensive, exotic places on earth. Beautiful places far away from anything disgusting. Perhaps Adolph Hitler or Charles Manson or Ted Bundy or Hanibal Lecter or Vlad the Impaler or Jeffrey Dahmer or Pol Pot should pick up the torch. Or better yet, Dracula Bleeding would more accurately describe the immensity of a bleed out. When a surgeon gets a call that a patient is Dracula bleeding, then they know they must rush them to the OR to save every precious drop. This would save time. Because there would be a huge difference between “bleeding” and “Dracula bleeding”. Thank you for including us readers in the solution for this pressing problem. I also feel sorry for the “Karens” of the world. I feel “Karen” has served her country well and deserves to join Frank in his amazing adventures in rest and relaxation. This one made me laugh out loud! You are so clever with words. A truly gifted author!
Honestly, Carson, only a ruggedly handsome doctor could turn a post about pus and vomiting into pure comedy gold! Even without a drop of scotch, your mind works in mysterious, hilarious ways. I’ll happily join your medical watchdog group, as long as I get to be your personal assistant at the meetings!
“Word emesis”, brilliant! Poor Frank has been taking hits in hospital charts for centuries, and it’s definitely time to spread the medical misery around! I’m fully on board with Boris bleeding, though I’d also like to officially nominate Gary gas and Carl congestion to the watchdog committee.
Damion diarrhea has me crying laughing at my desk! Brilliant stuff, Carson. You officially have my vote as Chairman of the Medical Nomenclature Watchdog Group!
If we are retiring Frank, I’d like to officially submit Carson fever to the medical dictionary, it’s that sudden rush of warmth women get when a ruggedly handsome doctor makes them laugh out loud!
Forget saving Frank, if you start putting “Boris bleeding” and “Peter pus” into official hospital charts, the state medical board is going to send a SWAT team to your office before Colonel Ollie even gets you to Washington! Straight-shooting humor like this is exactly what keeps sane people laughing in a crazy world.
Call it what you may….Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a d**n! 🤣🙄