We were good at it because we practiced it a lot. And if we weren’t perfect, in those days, we would get our asses kicked.  Or, we would receive corrective therapy when the marching was over.  That corrective therapy often included lots of push – ups or squat thrusts, (now known by the less offensive term known as burpees).  The term squat thrusts apparently offends too many people, because I never hear it used anymore.  But back then, the people training us didn’t know what political correctness or safe zones were. Of course, these upperclassmen did understand that loud screaming in our ears was good for learning how to handle stress in not very safe zones. They loved yelling at us everywhere, and they especially loved to yell at us while we sang certain patriotic songs as loud as we could during what we used to call, “shower formations.”  By the way, those too are now illegal training techniques at this famous institution.

I did lots of squat thrusts, on demand, whenever asked.

Yes, after high school graduation I was appointed to a certain U.S. Military Academy that shall remain nameless, but I did flourish there. But the topic at hand that came to mind today was marching.  We were damn good at it, as I mentioned.  Perfect lines, movements and impeccable uniforms. And we knew what the marching leader up front meant when he said things like, “Orwer Harch!”  That means forward march.  Or “Bow Hase!” which translates to about face. And then of course there was the command “Hess Rye Hess!”  which translates to dress right dress.  The H sound was apparently used to make it sound like a primitive grunt sound similar to what body builders utter when deadlifting massive weights.

Dress right dress means, during the marching, while keeping your line perfectly straight, aligned with the cadet next to you and he next to the next guy etc., you immediately, on command, turn your head sharply to the right and stare into oblivion or at a wall, or the blue sky or whatever, no emotion, no facial expressions  or sounds, until the command to look forward is given.  You may wonder why I remember this command so well after all these years.  Well you see, every day, at noon, a very accomplished band would play patriotic marching songs (marches) as several thousand cadets, in groups called squadrons, marched group after group to the mess hall to eat. It was quite a production, and I admit, I enjoyed the pomp and circumstance, even if it was all choreographed just to get us hungry cadets to the massive chow hall that can serve 4000 people hot food simultaneously.

But there were certain times when Dress Right Dress came in handy and was sometimes pleasurable, ironically, for us young cadets. You see on Saturdays and Sundays, the general public was allowed to come and line up along the viewing walls near a certain famous chapel, and they all fought to see the pretty zoo animals on display, I mean cadets, as we marched the long way in front of that public viewing wall for their visual pleasure.  But the truth is, it was our visual pleasure too!  We were very good at picking out pretty ladies along the wall, dressed in their Sunday best, and we learned how to alert the guys in the perfect line, all staring to the right at these spectators, where the good – looking ladies were, so we could concentrate our eyes on them since we had limited time to scan everyone.  We learned how to communicate like marching ventriloquists, without moving our lips, telling our fellow cadets where to feast their eyes, for the 20 or 30 seconds that we marched by.  Such simple pleasures as this, we cherished. 

We were the LCWB, or the last class with balls.

So you see, the zoo animals were also staring at the visitors and taking mental notes.

© SRCarson 2020