App: “Spy Doc”

It was a Saturday morning, and I was in the grocery store, bright and early, trying to beat the sleepy head shopping crowd.  Shorts and sandals, baggy T – shirt, but I did take a shower before I left.  Turns out that was a good move. I was making good time, my cart was half full and I was on my way to a Saturday shopping success until I heard her shrill voice:

“Well, hello Dr. Carson! I didn’t know you shopped here.”

I turned to my left, and there she was, Mrs. Feldman, my patient – staring at me, then my cart then back at me. Thankfully, my quick reflexes allowed me to throw my super – sized package of Lays potato chips on top of that six pack of beer at the bottom.  Unfortunately, it only covered half of the six pack.

“Oh, hello Mrs. Feldman. Nice to see you.  How are you doing these days, it’s been awhile since your last appointment.”

“I still have some pain in my chest and I’m still coughing after that procedure you did.  Ran out of my pain medications.  Could you call me in some?”

I hesitated, and tried to think of something quick but she was quicker, and she almost seemed to reach into my basket to pull the chips away to look at my beer.   But she caught herself, similar to a baseball player checking his swing.  Good thing I buy my cigars online.  Just kidding people!

“Sure, well, why don’t you call my office tomorrow if you can wait and we can review your chart for you and see what we can do.”

“Thanks Doc.”

I could see her glance at my cart one more time before she left for the toilet paper aisle.  Hope she left some for me. Thankfully, I didn’t buy the sports illustrated swimsuit model magazine yet.  That was in aisle 10 and she would be long gone.

Unfortunately, this incident occurs frequently across the U.S. and patients are complaining that their doctors don’t take their own advice and eat healthy.  Oh really? We’re people too, or we’re kinda half people half robots it seems. And heaven forbid I buy an occasional six pack of beer!  Maybe I’m inviting the neighbors over for a party and I just want to be social, huh?

Because of this, The Obama administration has implemented an executive order regulating doctors during their time off. The regulations include:

1)     Doctors cannot drink more than one alcoholic beverage per six months.

2)     Their diet must be no salt, no cholesterol, no fat and must include carrots and tofu in every meal.

3)     They must practice safe sex, and only in an approved Obama care mandated sleep number bed that Obama care won’t pay for

For that reason, all patients are required by Obama Care to download the “Spy Doc” app to their smart phones.  When this app is activated and pointed at a doctors shopping cart, it will analyze all items and upload them to the ODWDP services in Washington D.C. (Office of Doctor Watching and Doctor Punishment). These items will be then be published by the government website available to public access, similar to the existing Freedom of Information act, except however, it is easily and immediately accessible without red tape. All emails from this government agency are subject to be erased if an investigation occurs.

The cost of the app is free to patients and grocery store and liquor store clerks, paid for by a monthly tax on physicians, paid one year in advance.  If the tax is not paid, the physician will be penalized by a withdrawal of all payments for patient care until the fee is paid. In addition, physicians must take 50 hours of education on their free time to prepare for the implementation of this tax.

The administration feels this will improve health care for all, by improving the health of those damn wayward physicians, who must still educate their patients by setting good examples while shopping on Saturdays wearing shorts and sandals.

SRC